An Australian senator recently spoke distastefully of his government’s actions—saying it is creating “political zombies.” I, of course, dislike this language not only because of its blatant negative stereotyping of zombies, but also because I think a zombie (e.g. me) would make a great politician! Tired of all the partisanship bickering? The only thing you’ll ever see a zombie politician fight over is your intestines. Hate how much influence high-paid lobbyists have on Capitol Hill? Zombie politicians will tear apart any lobbyist who comes near them. You’re into equal rights? Zombie politicians promise to eat your brains regardless of ethnicity, gender, or creed! Sick of increasing medical costs, rising unemployment, and rent that’s too damn high? Once you’ve joined the living dead, you will have no need for doctors, jobs, or houses. You want less government intervention? Zombie rule will most certainly bring about the end of government (as well as Big Business, taxes, major environmental pollution, deficit spending, war, and any other product of civilization you dislike)! This November, VOTE JUD.
[a zombie column]